Grrrr...

Okay there is some definite truth to the saying about watching "the quiet ones". Loud, vocal people really are trying to compensate for something (anything) but quiet people, because of their nature tend to listen...a dangerous proposition.

Anyway, I am a quiet person because I choose to be. I am also insanely patient with a lot of things people do. For instance, people can insult me and demean me, but I will just bounce it off like nothing...with some exceptions. Regardless, I can stand a lot of things. However, when they are repeatedly done, over and over and over and over and over again, I get to the point to where I hate that person. Not that I want to do physical harm to them, but I just hate their personality and wish vehemently that they were different...for the betterment of themselves.

Like I said, I can take a lot of crap. But it will get to the point where it's hard to forgive and you want to separate yourself from the person. I mean, this is how I feel: You can't get mad at a person for being themselves. As I get closer to a person, I decode their personalities and place them in a certain category. So when I discover that the relationship is not going to work, I am going to try to distance myself from them, simply because we are incompatible. Meaning our personalities clash. So instead of fighting and spreading slander, I just be smart about it.

But sometimes that is really hard. REALLY hard. Especially if the person provides you with an immense amount of advantages.

I can't stress the importance of communication enough. But even I struggle with the fact of telling people that they are wrong. Just simply wrong. Because I know that they always do wrong things because they are that way. The person is wrong.

My intuition for the complexities of the human race makes it hard for me to form relationships because I have a lot of people figured out. Some more outgoing people don't mind having people figured out, or maybe they don't figure people out, which keeps it interesting. I'm not sure because I'm not particularly gregarious. I crave the companionship of profound, intriguing people with acute intellect. And so many of my peers don't fall into that category (which really is not hard).

So many of my high school peers want popularity for the sake of being well known and liked. This confuses me because popular people are not liked. Tolerated may be more of the word. But for individual that likes the very popular, successful person? There are three more negative, evil people out to bring them down. Sometimes with a smile. Which is the scary part. There is so much backstabbing and gossiping about people behind their backs. I really try to refrain from this, because I am always putting myself in other people's shoes. I would hate for people to talk about me behind my back. I know that they do anyways, but I would prefer that it did not. But you know, it happens. And so much. Even my teachers, adults I know!

Really, people don't "grow up". Mentally, how a person is when they are younger is a clear reflection of the person they will be when they are older. Especially as an adolescent. The only thing that changes is a reduction of acne and an increase in height.

Anyway, the point of my rant is that I am angry.

Back to the quiet, patient argument. Because I take so much in, I will reach my limit. And today was one such time. I am particularly self-conscious about this one part of my anatomy. Not that it would effect me, not much anyway. But I always tend to hide it.

Except guess what? As I have grown older and turned into a woman, I have learned to work with what I got. So that is kind of what I decided to do, work with it. And I have also taken to wearing pretty tops and everything. Sometimes I end up showing a bit more than I would rather want to, but I like the outfit. So I have decided that I would wear what I wanted to, without regard to anyone.

Enough with the code talk. Apparently, people have a problem with my cleavage. And for me, it's just there. I've grown up with people with large breasts and I just never paid much attention to that area, no more than the color of one's hair. Until I began hanging out with the IBTC. Hahaha. Or whatever their problem is. I mean I'm not protruding immensely out of my shirt or look like slut. I just have a little showing. And it's not on purpose (most of the time, haha). The shirts that everybody else can wear, I wear, only just a little cleavage shows. Apparently, for the IBTC it's a major offense.

I will not stop wearing an outfit-a very cute outfit, indeed- because apparently, it's offensive to some. I don't know. It can't possibly be jealousy, because no one wants large breasts. They are a hassle, really. I just don't know. But I am fed up.

I think I'll just start wearing turtlenecks everyday. But then, probably, the IBTC will come after me because somehow my cleavage will make an appearance through my several layers of fabric and wool.

Yeah, I'm bitter.

But I know someone that loves my shape. And I've grown content with myself. So turtlenecks would be admitting defeat. So what am I going to do? Should I show them what cleavage really looks like?