Nothing, Really

Well, the dance recital went quite well. Apart from the unavoidable snags, I do think that it was a grand show with excellent dancers. I am a bit tired and just want to enjoy my day at home...even though I'm sure my mother is worse off than me since she had to go to work today.

I need an extra job.

Interesting

Wow. So I just spent the past few minutes skimming over my old blog posts. Man, I have changed/grown up quite a bit. And just when I thought I was too mature for improvement...

I feel the need to update--and to disclaim myself. Of which I will do tomorrow, since a lot has happened since then.

Epic Fail

Welll, I had said that I would make a full blog of my senior year...epic fail. But in retrospect, I doubt my little rants and menial problems would have been worthy enough to warrant much interest in outside readers.

So! I make another resolution (and hopefully I don't fail). I will try to blog my freshman year at college. This way, people will be able to stay updated with my life. I only hope that I am not to busy.

I mean, I tried the whole diary thing. But that ALWAYS fails because it takes much longer to write. I can type much faster, so I should have no excuse. And as someone who wants to be a fiction writer one day, would it not benefit for me to have a collection of my experiences? So that I may draw on them?

So yes. I will begin my periodic blogs today. And I will update my followers and other people who read this that I am back in business...for now. :)

Ugh...

Wow...look at my resolves. I say I am going to chronicle my senior year and what happens? Absolutely nothing. Firstly, let me offer my excuses. Senior year has turned out to be completely different than what I had imagined. I lay awake at night staring into an imaginary abyss- thinking "if only I could get all my college applications in...then I could rest." I can't fault my teachers, I am not faulting them. It's just natural anticipatory feelings that I will not be able to control until all of my applications are in. I do not know which is worse: anticipation or inevitable rejection.

Anyway, since I'm working 4 out of 7 days a week and doing homework 9 out of 7 days, I am just lost and busy and frustrated.

Forget this. Sorry. I hate breaking goals...I guess it's kind of like weight loss.

Of Interest: Obama's Education Speech

Of particular interest today is the letter that went home to school children today. Our principal loves to keep the lines of communication open and clear, so we always get letters sent home to us. Last time we got one I believe it was detailing Hurricane Ike...and then we had one about the new state law demanding to know everyone's race. Anyway, today's letter was intriguing. Apparently, parents in our school district were upset and alarmed- because President Obama is giving a speech to the nation about the importance of education on Tuesday. They did not want their precious babies seeing this video (which would be broadcasted during school).

Now if the teachers were miffed that would be fine. Their classroom time is being interrupted. However, I can't understand...can't possibly fathom why regular people are up in arms about this address. I hate to sound ignorant, but I just don't care that much. Let the video play- you can choose to watch it or not.

Our superintendent wanted to clear up the issue by simply stating that the video would be displayed in school. Of added interest, I heard a few "Obama is the antichrist" arguments today...I love my country.

Less political, more personal. Today was great on the whole. I am feeling a bit stressed about my quizzes, tests, and debate tomorrow. Unlike sports and performance activities, with debate you can always read more and write more and prepare more. Unlike sports and performance activities, each debate is different and I never grow complacent. Because we debaters deal with the art of language, we are always surprised because words bend at one's will. You may be amazingly persuasive and sharp, but you can always lose if the other team is both skilled and prepared.

I cannot stress preparation and anticipation enough.

I have to do my exercise now, then study for my math test, then all this other crap. Peace out.

Better Late Than Never

I know, I know. I had resolved to record every day of my senior year of high school. Well...it's been so crazy! I can't even get my precious six hours of sleep anymore like I did last year. Oh well.

I have set aside some rules for this blog. If I am to record my life, I should change the names of some people to protect their privacy. So, I will use pseudonyms when I deem it necessary. The gist of the story will still be maintained so no worries.

I don't have time to recount my first week of school, so I will just start with today.

It was alright. I found out some interesting things about my sister's ex-boyfriend. Yup, he's a cheater. We suspected it but I had simply hoped he was better than that. And the girl he cheated with? Wowwwwwww. But she didn't get too mad. She's completely over him- but I do understand her being miffed at him. He played her for a fool.

I left my backpack at school so that fact has coerced me to work on my debate case. Our first tournament of the year is on Friday so I need to get that done. I want to win.

So I'm done with this blog...on to illegal immigration.

Grrrr...

Okay there is some definite truth to the saying about watching "the quiet ones". Loud, vocal people really are trying to compensate for something (anything) but quiet people, because of their nature tend to listen...a dangerous proposition.

Anyway, I am a quiet person because I choose to be. I am also insanely patient with a lot of things people do. For instance, people can insult me and demean me, but I will just bounce it off like nothing...with some exceptions. Regardless, I can stand a lot of things. However, when they are repeatedly done, over and over and over and over and over again, I get to the point to where I hate that person. Not that I want to do physical harm to them, but I just hate their personality and wish vehemently that they were different...for the betterment of themselves.

Like I said, I can take a lot of crap. But it will get to the point where it's hard to forgive and you want to separate yourself from the person. I mean, this is how I feel: You can't get mad at a person for being themselves. As I get closer to a person, I decode their personalities and place them in a certain category. So when I discover that the relationship is not going to work, I am going to try to distance myself from them, simply because we are incompatible. Meaning our personalities clash. So instead of fighting and spreading slander, I just be smart about it.

But sometimes that is really hard. REALLY hard. Especially if the person provides you with an immense amount of advantages.

I can't stress the importance of communication enough. But even I struggle with the fact of telling people that they are wrong. Just simply wrong. Because I know that they always do wrong things because they are that way. The person is wrong.

My intuition for the complexities of the human race makes it hard for me to form relationships because I have a lot of people figured out. Some more outgoing people don't mind having people figured out, or maybe they don't figure people out, which keeps it interesting. I'm not sure because I'm not particularly gregarious. I crave the companionship of profound, intriguing people with acute intellect. And so many of my peers don't fall into that category (which really is not hard).

So many of my high school peers want popularity for the sake of being well known and liked. This confuses me because popular people are not liked. Tolerated may be more of the word. But for individual that likes the very popular, successful person? There are three more negative, evil people out to bring them down. Sometimes with a smile. Which is the scary part. There is so much backstabbing and gossiping about people behind their backs. I really try to refrain from this, because I am always putting myself in other people's shoes. I would hate for people to talk about me behind my back. I know that they do anyways, but I would prefer that it did not. But you know, it happens. And so much. Even my teachers, adults I know!

Really, people don't "grow up". Mentally, how a person is when they are younger is a clear reflection of the person they will be when they are older. Especially as an adolescent. The only thing that changes is a reduction of acne and an increase in height.

Anyway, the point of my rant is that I am angry.

Back to the quiet, patient argument. Because I take so much in, I will reach my limit. And today was one such time. I am particularly self-conscious about this one part of my anatomy. Not that it would effect me, not much anyway. But I always tend to hide it.

Except guess what? As I have grown older and turned into a woman, I have learned to work with what I got. So that is kind of what I decided to do, work with it. And I have also taken to wearing pretty tops and everything. Sometimes I end up showing a bit more than I would rather want to, but I like the outfit. So I have decided that I would wear what I wanted to, without regard to anyone.

Enough with the code talk. Apparently, people have a problem with my cleavage. And for me, it's just there. I've grown up with people with large breasts and I just never paid much attention to that area, no more than the color of one's hair. Until I began hanging out with the IBTC. Hahaha. Or whatever their problem is. I mean I'm not protruding immensely out of my shirt or look like slut. I just have a little showing. And it's not on purpose (most of the time, haha). The shirts that everybody else can wear, I wear, only just a little cleavage shows. Apparently, for the IBTC it's a major offense.

I will not stop wearing an outfit-a very cute outfit, indeed- because apparently, it's offensive to some. I don't know. It can't possibly be jealousy, because no one wants large breasts. They are a hassle, really. I just don't know. But I am fed up.

I think I'll just start wearing turtlenecks everyday. But then, probably, the IBTC will come after me because somehow my cleavage will make an appearance through my several layers of fabric and wool.

Yeah, I'm bitter.

But I know someone that loves my shape. And I've grown content with myself. So turtlenecks would be admitting defeat. So what am I going to do? Should I show them what cleavage really looks like?